i have been in alaska for two weeks.

i am busy. incredibly busy. i have worked so hard in the last 14 days. i should be exhausted. i've always heard people talk about how God gives them strength and "fills them up" and always thought they were just talking. i never understood what that meant. i think i'm starting to understand a little better now. i mean, i've been so busy working so hard, and camp hasn't even started!

but i must say that God has been working in my life in amazing ways. and i'm not just saying that cuz everyone else does. i mean, He's really working. really.

some of you may or may not know what i've gone through in the past year, but i'm gonna tell you anyway. basically, i have gone through and incredibly hard depression. i've had it on and off for years, but never like this past year. ever since last september, things were incredibly dark. i had no energy. i cried all the time. i was incredibly confused. i had an hard time making simple decisions.

i've been getting better since like march/april.

but i am not the same person i used to be.

i am alot less outgoing. i have a harder time trusting people. i'm still a little confused at times.

and for the past two weeks, as i've been here, working side by side with people, getting to know them, i felt like i had to hide this part of me. like it was something to be ashamed of. this big secret.

well, like i said, God's been working in me alot. last night, as some of us were sharing testimonies, i told everyone about what has happened in the past year. it was not easy. and i got a little teary. but God is good and He got me through it. everyone listened. and some even cried with me. then the whole group prayed for me! i was so surprised. they came, surrounded and laid hands on me and prayed for me.

that meant alot. i don't know what i was so afraid of.

ok, maybe i do... stigmas, etc.

but anywho, God is moving.

and camp hasn't even started yet.

if God can do so much in just these two training weeks, i can't even imagine what's to come in the weeks ahead.

our first week of camp starts next monday. i can't wait for it to start.

please be praying for me, my "team" (other counselors, jr. counselors, other staff), and the kids that we'll be working with this summer.

i have a question for you.

i was watching the movie 'saved!' this afternoon and it got me thinking.

here's a couple links for you to check out to familiarize yourself with the movie if you haven't seen it in a while:

http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/film_review.asp?ID=1060, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saved%21

for some reason i really like this movie. i'm not sure why. i know many christians are critical of the movie because of its satire. but there's something in the movie that keeps grabbing me. some of the ways they mock the christian sub-culture are painfully accurate. i'm not sure what to think.

should i feel guilty that i like a movie that mocks my beliefs??

see, i don't really think so. i don't think that its my beliefs that the movie is mocking. i think it is mocking people who get caught up in the wrong way of thinking about their beliefs.

is it possible for people to think too seriously about what they believe?

is it possible that people can confuse piety with obsession? can we use religion as an excuse? as an escape?

is it possible that christians can be just as guilty of this as those of other religions?

are you guilty? am i?

how genuine are we?

are we trying to hard? are we overanalyzing? are we turning God's truth into a product? marketing it away?

are we only genuine when we distance ourselves from it? but then, isn't the whole point of being a christian to come closer to God?

where is the line between dedicated and radical?

where am i on the spectrum? does it matter?

when a person does some dastardly deed in the name of God, does God still love him? so many have died in His name... who was on the right side? is there a right side? which side is God on? does He have a side? is it even possible for us to know?